Forgiveness....
Okay. Sorry for the delay in getting this blog post out, life isn't giving me too much time to think or write. So, I have been praying about this post and I hope that this helps you guys.
Lately the one thing that keeps coming to my mind is taking offense, holding a grudge, and forgiving or not forgiving. I have held grudges against others in my life, because I felt offended by something they have said to me or an action towards me. Here's the thing, I will hold a grudge but it's not long before our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ remind me that there's no need to feel offended and that I need to let go of the grudge I am holding. They remind me that I am not doing as they ask of me, "Love one another". When I am holding a grudge I am full of anger towards that other person, what good am I doing when I am like that? Absolutely no good. Not too long ago, I found myself holding a grudge towards a manager of mine, at the time. They had asked me to do something that I felt was not my place but their place. After asking me once, they got a little upset with me because I didn't do as they had asked. When they asked again, I became offended and upset with them, and it lasted for a few months. Then a co-worker of ours told me that, our friend and manager was under a lot of stress and that they would have some off days. Don't we all have our off days? I took this information and I put myself into the manager's shoes. After I thought about it for a moment, I realized that I was being stupid, selfish, and petty. After all I have my off days too, and I never thought that my manager could have been having an off day, and that things happened. I only took into consideration my feelings in that moment and held on to that anger, which ate at me and I wasn't helping those who needed help at that time. I never thought about the pressures and stresses my manager was going through, until I was reminded. After I talked to my friend and co-worker, I thought to myself, "How can I make things right between us again?". The answer came to me, just simply be nice and do your best to help them. I then talked to my manager about my second night of working at my job, and how they made things easier for me. They didn't remember that, I mean who could when you have probably trained so many others. I chuckled at their reaction to my silly little memory, but since then we have been the best of pals. And those will be memories that I hold on to for a good long time.
This leads me to a couple talks from two of our Latter-Day Saint leaders. Elder David A. Bednar spoke about being offended. He says "When we believe or say that we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed or disrespected." I know that I did, as I mentioned in my story above. He goes on to say that yes "clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something." It is a choice we make to feel offended or angry with someone else for something they did or said. And a lot of the time it's the truth, and sometimes we take and twist that truth until we are the victims, when that wasn't the intent at all. We have the gift of free agency, a gift that wouldn't be possible if our Savior Jesus Christ hadn't come down here to earth and pay for our sins. And in the pre-existence He proposed a plan, a plan that pleased our Heavenly Father so much that, that is the plan that has since been in action. Lucifer proposed a plan that would have left us in total ignorance, never learning or growing here on this earth. This did not please our Heavenly Father. Our Heavenly Father Loves us so much that He has given us many gifts, agency being the biggest one. Here's another quote from Elder Bednar's talk, "As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and choice. Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon. To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon. As agents, however, you and I have the power to act and choose how we will respond to an offensive or hurtful situation." Everything that Elder Bednar says about holding a grudge is true. In that moment with my manager, I allowed myself to feel inferior to them, I allowed myself to feel stupid, angry, cornered, and hurt. I allowed myself to feel negatively to the situation at that time. And when you are negative about a situation you are in the wrong, not the other person. It was my choice to feel the way I did, and it did more harm to me to hold on to the feelings I felt for those few months. I have been learning how to humble myself more and more each day. Something I felt I didn't need to do when all of this went on. I was in the wrong, I was full of pride and selfishness. This is a quote from another leader Elder Quentin L. Cook, "Sometimes humility is overcoming hurt feelings when we feel that leaders or others have mistreated us." I have never thought of it that way, but it's a good reminder to me to simply let things go, that are unimportant or not beneficial to my spiritual growth and development. That's where forgiveness comes into play for me. Here's another quote by Elder Cook, "When we do not forgive those who trespass against us, we are in effect rejecting the Savior's Atonement. Holding a grudge and refusing to forgive and refusing to humbly approach our relationships in a Christlike manner truly brings us under condemnation. Holding a grudge is poisonous to our souls." This is also true, this quote reminds me of the saying "Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." When I hold any kind of grudge against another person, 1) it's my choice not theirs and 2) it is not allowing me to grow in the ways and light of our Savior Jesus Christ. I was doing the exact opposite of what He taught us. One of my all-time Favorite scriptures is "Then Jesus said, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."(Luke 23:34 KJV) I wasn't forgiving my manager or letting go of the negative feelings I was feeling towards them. When I did finally forgive all that took place in those moments, I felt happier, free and very alive. I was also able to make things better between me and my manager. Every time I don't forgive something, that I take wrong, and it takes me months to do, I am very negative in every thought and sometimes actions. Forgiveness is the one of the keys to happiness, and very much the balm we need to help our souls heal. If our Savior was able to forgive those that crucified Him, tormented Him, and persecuted Him, then why can't I forgive others? Especially when the fault is mine and not theirs. My manager was doing what they were taught was right, and I was in the wrong. Not only do we need to forgive others we need to forgive ourselves. That isn't easy to do, but it's anything but impossible. "For with God all things are possible." Never once has our Father in Heaven or Savior not forgiven us, when we repent fully of our sins, and do our absolute best to never repeat that same sin again. Repentance and forgiveness kind of go hand in hand, when you can fully forgive and try not to repeat that same offense, and ask for forgiveness, then we in turn are fully forgiven.
During the time I was holding my grudge, I talked to a new friend about it for a while. They agreed that my manager was in the wrong and that I should have stood up to them and told them off. I agreed that I should have done something more than just sit and take it, but I am glad that I didn't say or do anything out of anger towards my manager. If I had done something more, I would have never made a friend and made more problems then necessary for my manager. After things were fixed between me and my manager, my friend seemed taken aback that I could so easily forgive my manager and let it go. If my Heavenly Father is going to be able to forgive me, I must first forgive. That's what I have to remind myself each and everyday, that's actually one of the first thoughts that go through my mind when I say my morning prayers. I sometimes ask myself, who do I need to forgive, because I allowed myself to react negatively and what can I do to make things better between us? Sometimes offense isn't even on the mind of the other person, sometimes it 's just simply the truth and we react negatively towards that other person. We must accept that the other person is being honest, even if we don't agree with what they are saying, and we need to change that negative thing about ourselves. Again, I know that isn't the easiest thing to do, but when you do this, you have gained many rewards and blessings that Heavenly Father has in store for you. There are going to be times when another person lashes out at you for no reason, we need to step back and ask ourselves "Are they having a bad day?" or maybe "What can I do to help this person?", and sometimes all we need to do is simply be nice, regardless of how we are feeling towards the other person. When we feel anger filling our being, we need to try and remember that our Savior wasn't angry as He was being mocked, spit upon, yelled at, accused of wrongdoing, and ultimately crucified. So, if you have a problem with someone, will you please try to talk to them and let them know how you are feeling, even if they aren't willing to listen to how you are feeling? And try your best to forgive. I promise that if you try to do this, that your world will be much brighter then it was before.
Until next time!!
Warrior Daughter
Talks that were mentioned are
"And Nothing Shall Offend Them" Elder David A. Bednar, October 2006 General Conference.
"The Eternal Everyday" Elder Quentin L. Cook, October 2017 General Conference.
You can find these talks on lds.org, under the Scriptures and Study tab, under the General Conference section.
Lately the one thing that keeps coming to my mind is taking offense, holding a grudge, and forgiving or not forgiving. I have held grudges against others in my life, because I felt offended by something they have said to me or an action towards me. Here's the thing, I will hold a grudge but it's not long before our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ remind me that there's no need to feel offended and that I need to let go of the grudge I am holding. They remind me that I am not doing as they ask of me, "Love one another". When I am holding a grudge I am full of anger towards that other person, what good am I doing when I am like that? Absolutely no good. Not too long ago, I found myself holding a grudge towards a manager of mine, at the time. They had asked me to do something that I felt was not my place but their place. After asking me once, they got a little upset with me because I didn't do as they had asked. When they asked again, I became offended and upset with them, and it lasted for a few months. Then a co-worker of ours told me that, our friend and manager was under a lot of stress and that they would have some off days. Don't we all have our off days? I took this information and I put myself into the manager's shoes. After I thought about it for a moment, I realized that I was being stupid, selfish, and petty. After all I have my off days too, and I never thought that my manager could have been having an off day, and that things happened. I only took into consideration my feelings in that moment and held on to that anger, which ate at me and I wasn't helping those who needed help at that time. I never thought about the pressures and stresses my manager was going through, until I was reminded. After I talked to my friend and co-worker, I thought to myself, "How can I make things right between us again?". The answer came to me, just simply be nice and do your best to help them. I then talked to my manager about my second night of working at my job, and how they made things easier for me. They didn't remember that, I mean who could when you have probably trained so many others. I chuckled at their reaction to my silly little memory, but since then we have been the best of pals. And those will be memories that I hold on to for a good long time.
This leads me to a couple talks from two of our Latter-Day Saint leaders. Elder David A. Bednar spoke about being offended. He says "When we believe or say that we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed or disrespected." I know that I did, as I mentioned in my story above. He goes on to say that yes "clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something." It is a choice we make to feel offended or angry with someone else for something they did or said. And a lot of the time it's the truth, and sometimes we take and twist that truth until we are the victims, when that wasn't the intent at all. We have the gift of free agency, a gift that wouldn't be possible if our Savior Jesus Christ hadn't come down here to earth and pay for our sins. And in the pre-existence He proposed a plan, a plan that pleased our Heavenly Father so much that, that is the plan that has since been in action. Lucifer proposed a plan that would have left us in total ignorance, never learning or growing here on this earth. This did not please our Heavenly Father. Our Heavenly Father Loves us so much that He has given us many gifts, agency being the biggest one. Here's another quote from Elder Bednar's talk, "As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and choice. Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon. To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon. As agents, however, you and I have the power to act and choose how we will respond to an offensive or hurtful situation." Everything that Elder Bednar says about holding a grudge is true. In that moment with my manager, I allowed myself to feel inferior to them, I allowed myself to feel stupid, angry, cornered, and hurt. I allowed myself to feel negatively to the situation at that time. And when you are negative about a situation you are in the wrong, not the other person. It was my choice to feel the way I did, and it did more harm to me to hold on to the feelings I felt for those few months. I have been learning how to humble myself more and more each day. Something I felt I didn't need to do when all of this went on. I was in the wrong, I was full of pride and selfishness. This is a quote from another leader Elder Quentin L. Cook, "Sometimes humility is overcoming hurt feelings when we feel that leaders or others have mistreated us." I have never thought of it that way, but it's a good reminder to me to simply let things go, that are unimportant or not beneficial to my spiritual growth and development. That's where forgiveness comes into play for me. Here's another quote by Elder Cook, "When we do not forgive those who trespass against us, we are in effect rejecting the Savior's Atonement. Holding a grudge and refusing to forgive and refusing to humbly approach our relationships in a Christlike manner truly brings us under condemnation. Holding a grudge is poisonous to our souls." This is also true, this quote reminds me of the saying "Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." When I hold any kind of grudge against another person, 1) it's my choice not theirs and 2) it is not allowing me to grow in the ways and light of our Savior Jesus Christ. I was doing the exact opposite of what He taught us. One of my all-time Favorite scriptures is "Then Jesus said, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."(Luke 23:34 KJV) I wasn't forgiving my manager or letting go of the negative feelings I was feeling towards them. When I did finally forgive all that took place in those moments, I felt happier, free and very alive. I was also able to make things better between me and my manager. Every time I don't forgive something, that I take wrong, and it takes me months to do, I am very negative in every thought and sometimes actions. Forgiveness is the one of the keys to happiness, and very much the balm we need to help our souls heal. If our Savior was able to forgive those that crucified Him, tormented Him, and persecuted Him, then why can't I forgive others? Especially when the fault is mine and not theirs. My manager was doing what they were taught was right, and I was in the wrong. Not only do we need to forgive others we need to forgive ourselves. That isn't easy to do, but it's anything but impossible. "For with God all things are possible." Never once has our Father in Heaven or Savior not forgiven us, when we repent fully of our sins, and do our absolute best to never repeat that same sin again. Repentance and forgiveness kind of go hand in hand, when you can fully forgive and try not to repeat that same offense, and ask for forgiveness, then we in turn are fully forgiven.
During the time I was holding my grudge, I talked to a new friend about it for a while. They agreed that my manager was in the wrong and that I should have stood up to them and told them off. I agreed that I should have done something more than just sit and take it, but I am glad that I didn't say or do anything out of anger towards my manager. If I had done something more, I would have never made a friend and made more problems then necessary for my manager. After things were fixed between me and my manager, my friend seemed taken aback that I could so easily forgive my manager and let it go. If my Heavenly Father is going to be able to forgive me, I must first forgive. That's what I have to remind myself each and everyday, that's actually one of the first thoughts that go through my mind when I say my morning prayers. I sometimes ask myself, who do I need to forgive, because I allowed myself to react negatively and what can I do to make things better between us? Sometimes offense isn't even on the mind of the other person, sometimes it 's just simply the truth and we react negatively towards that other person. We must accept that the other person is being honest, even if we don't agree with what they are saying, and we need to change that negative thing about ourselves. Again, I know that isn't the easiest thing to do, but when you do this, you have gained many rewards and blessings that Heavenly Father has in store for you. There are going to be times when another person lashes out at you for no reason, we need to step back and ask ourselves "Are they having a bad day?" or maybe "What can I do to help this person?", and sometimes all we need to do is simply be nice, regardless of how we are feeling towards the other person. When we feel anger filling our being, we need to try and remember that our Savior wasn't angry as He was being mocked, spit upon, yelled at, accused of wrongdoing, and ultimately crucified. So, if you have a problem with someone, will you please try to talk to them and let them know how you are feeling, even if they aren't willing to listen to how you are feeling? And try your best to forgive. I promise that if you try to do this, that your world will be much brighter then it was before.
Until next time!!
Warrior Daughter
Talks that were mentioned are
"And Nothing Shall Offend Them" Elder David A. Bednar, October 2006 General Conference.
"The Eternal Everyday" Elder Quentin L. Cook, October 2017 General Conference.
You can find these talks on lds.org, under the Scriptures and Study tab, under the General Conference section.
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