Overcoming and Finding Balance....
Hey y'all,
So, this is a very personal post for me because I really struggle with overcoming a lot of different things. After posting my last blog, I got to thinking what can I write about next. The Biggest thing, scariest thing for me, overcoming all obstacles.
I have really struggled with overcoming fears I have, which are numerous to say the least. I have been able to overcome things in just the past year and a half, but I did not do it on my own. I had and still have help from others. I work in retail, and deal with anxiety attacks and with depression. I love meeting new people and making friends, but I am extremely quiet. But I do enjoy dancing, singing, hiking, camping, shopping on occasion, and just simply getting out of the house. It sure sounds like I deal with anxiety, right? Well, I am a super sensitive person, something that feels like a gift and a curse in today's world. There are many times where I feel like I need to be locked up and hidden from the world because I stand out so bad or at least that's how others have made me feel. I have always been the oddball, or lone wolf. Through out my life school was great at first, I was learning and having fun. Then the time came where it all changed, I changed and not for the best. Learning became harder, I learn a bit slower then most people and very differently. Math, I enjoy it, but I really struggle to understand any of it. I failed two grades of algebra because my mind doesn't compute things right. I remember doing the problems and checking what answers I could in the back of the book. Well, 90% of the time I was wrong and I felt stupid because everyone else was understanding it and getting more answers right then me. When I saw that I got the answer wrong, I had to work backwards and that's when I finally got what I was being taught. Backwards, that's how I feel a lot and I hide that. As I was being tutored for my GED, my teacher saw how much I was struggling with the math and science portions of the test. He was very patient with me and helped me as much as he could, I am so thankful for that. My mom told him that if I wasn't getting the work or answer correct that I could work backwards and get it right, I will never forget the look on his face, complete and total shock. He had never heard of someone working backwards and understanding it better. I also had a friend that was trying to help me to get my GED, they thought, "I have helped others study and they passed the test.", they were in for the shock of their life, when they realized that I don't think "normally". We were going over vocabulary words, and the first word was accent. They asked me what I thought the definition was, and my reply was "That's how someone sounds when they speak." They were impressed with my answer but knew I had gotten it wrong. The book was talking about an accent mark above words, like touché, That would have been the absolute last thing I would have thought of, I knew that it had a name but I wasn't taught that name in school. So, school became more difficult for me as time went on. Elementary school was awesome for me because you get to use your imagination and things are more visual in the teachings then verbal. As school went on it became verbal and not so much visual, I did have some teachers that had visual aids but that was just one here and there. I did do really well in those classes, but the other classes were more of a challenge for me, I wasn't fully comprehending what was being taught and gave up after a while. I am a very imaginative person, I love creating worlds and things and being able to make stuff with my hands is a dream come true. I did drop out early on in my schooling so I never did get my driver's license. I am now facing that fear of mine. When I had initially wanted to get my license at the age of 18, I got into an accident on the freeway. My mom was driving and we were rear-ended twice, so that set me way back. I am also very fearful of any kind of large machinery, and that is what a car is a large machine. I am now facing this fear down and I am driving, crazily but I know that in time I will do better and get things down.
I am so proud of my siblings for being able to go to school and even college, because I know that I won't be able to further my education. I could try to, but I feel that Heavenly Father knows what I am capable of and I know what I am capable of, so we are working together. School is an obstacle that I failed to overcome, I felt like I was falling into the same trap with work but I have learned and actually grown more than I thought I ever could. I know what I am capable of in the working field, and that is what I go after, I am willing to learn more though because I love learning, whether it's how things work or sometimes how someone reacts to something. Right now, I work more then one job, all in retail, well I got the opportunity to move up the ladder in one of them. The thought terrified me, but I faced that fear head on and I am doing the best I can when I work at that job. A year ago I never thought that I would be where I am now. If anyone had told me what I would be doing today, a year or even three months ago, I would have looked them straight in the eye and said, "You have the wrong person, try again. There's no way I would even attempt that!"
I have had some hiccups this year, I did try working multiple jobs earlier this year and things just simply didn't work out. I had to quit the one that I couldn't handle. People were thrilled when I first got that job, and then they were extremely disappointed when I couldn't handle what was going on. I have had a lot of people give up on me out of frustration, because they feel like I am not living up to my potential or I am repeating the exact same mistakes. Here's the thing, I put everyone before myself, and I think very differently then what people consider "normal". I struggle to put myself first, and when I do everyone hates me for it, when that is what they have wanted me to do from the beginning. I am not "normal" I am who I am, at times others just need to just be patient and know that I am doing my best in this life, because I do my best to do the same. I am a Daughter of God. It's that simple. Right now, I am not balanced in many parts of my life, that's what I am trying to overcome now. Right now work is dominating my life, and I am struggling with that, however, I would like a little more time for me and my family, and just to spend time in nature to unwind. But for the time being, I don't have that balance and it's wearing on me in every way you can think of, but I am thankful that I am still here and learning what lessons I am in need of learning. Here soon things are going to get better and slow down a bit for me and I will be a bit more balanced.
I am still overcoming the hardships in my life, but I won't stop or back down. I was sent here at this time, because I am strong enough to live it. I am so tired of being seen as the weak, naive, little girl, that I once was. I am a daughter of God, and I will do my best to obey the things He asks of me. He is one person I want to please, because anything less will not do. He sent me here, He will be the one to call me back home when that time comes and He is the one I need to worry about when Judgement day comes. He is a Just God, so whatever crimes I commit against Him the punishment will match the crime, unless I ask for forgiveness, and not repeat the same thing over and over, but I am sure there will be a small punishment here or there. I accept any and all punishment He gives me, because I deserve it, I disobeyed Him and there is a consequence for doing that. That's how we learn, we make mistakes and grow. We learn to Love Unconditionally, we learn what compassion truly is, and we do our best to help others. If we continue to repeat mistakes over and over, the darkness takes over and we succumb to our weaknesses, and forget our strengths. I have been there many times in my life, I hope that as I grow I will learn how to overcome, most if not all, of my weaknesses and turn them into strengths. I am learning how to do that very thing now, and I cannot put into words how thankful and grateful I am for these lessons in my life.
Please feel free to share this or any other posts with your friends. :)
Until next time!
Warrior Daughter
So, this is a very personal post for me because I really struggle with overcoming a lot of different things. After posting my last blog, I got to thinking what can I write about next. The Biggest thing, scariest thing for me, overcoming all obstacles.
I have really struggled with overcoming fears I have, which are numerous to say the least. I have been able to overcome things in just the past year and a half, but I did not do it on my own. I had and still have help from others. I work in retail, and deal with anxiety attacks and with depression. I love meeting new people and making friends, but I am extremely quiet. But I do enjoy dancing, singing, hiking, camping, shopping on occasion, and just simply getting out of the house. It sure sounds like I deal with anxiety, right? Well, I am a super sensitive person, something that feels like a gift and a curse in today's world. There are many times where I feel like I need to be locked up and hidden from the world because I stand out so bad or at least that's how others have made me feel. I have always been the oddball, or lone wolf. Through out my life school was great at first, I was learning and having fun. Then the time came where it all changed, I changed and not for the best. Learning became harder, I learn a bit slower then most people and very differently. Math, I enjoy it, but I really struggle to understand any of it. I failed two grades of algebra because my mind doesn't compute things right. I remember doing the problems and checking what answers I could in the back of the book. Well, 90% of the time I was wrong and I felt stupid because everyone else was understanding it and getting more answers right then me. When I saw that I got the answer wrong, I had to work backwards and that's when I finally got what I was being taught. Backwards, that's how I feel a lot and I hide that. As I was being tutored for my GED, my teacher saw how much I was struggling with the math and science portions of the test. He was very patient with me and helped me as much as he could, I am so thankful for that. My mom told him that if I wasn't getting the work or answer correct that I could work backwards and get it right, I will never forget the look on his face, complete and total shock. He had never heard of someone working backwards and understanding it better. I also had a friend that was trying to help me to get my GED, they thought, "I have helped others study and they passed the test.", they were in for the shock of their life, when they realized that I don't think "normally". We were going over vocabulary words, and the first word was accent. They asked me what I thought the definition was, and my reply was "That's how someone sounds when they speak." They were impressed with my answer but knew I had gotten it wrong. The book was talking about an accent mark above words, like touché, That would have been the absolute last thing I would have thought of, I knew that it had a name but I wasn't taught that name in school. So, school became more difficult for me as time went on. Elementary school was awesome for me because you get to use your imagination and things are more visual in the teachings then verbal. As school went on it became verbal and not so much visual, I did have some teachers that had visual aids but that was just one here and there. I did do really well in those classes, but the other classes were more of a challenge for me, I wasn't fully comprehending what was being taught and gave up after a while. I am a very imaginative person, I love creating worlds and things and being able to make stuff with my hands is a dream come true. I did drop out early on in my schooling so I never did get my driver's license. I am now facing that fear of mine. When I had initially wanted to get my license at the age of 18, I got into an accident on the freeway. My mom was driving and we were rear-ended twice, so that set me way back. I am also very fearful of any kind of large machinery, and that is what a car is a large machine. I am now facing this fear down and I am driving, crazily but I know that in time I will do better and get things down.
I am so proud of my siblings for being able to go to school and even college, because I know that I won't be able to further my education. I could try to, but I feel that Heavenly Father knows what I am capable of and I know what I am capable of, so we are working together. School is an obstacle that I failed to overcome, I felt like I was falling into the same trap with work but I have learned and actually grown more than I thought I ever could. I know what I am capable of in the working field, and that is what I go after, I am willing to learn more though because I love learning, whether it's how things work or sometimes how someone reacts to something. Right now, I work more then one job, all in retail, well I got the opportunity to move up the ladder in one of them. The thought terrified me, but I faced that fear head on and I am doing the best I can when I work at that job. A year ago I never thought that I would be where I am now. If anyone had told me what I would be doing today, a year or even three months ago, I would have looked them straight in the eye and said, "You have the wrong person, try again. There's no way I would even attempt that!"
I have had some hiccups this year, I did try working multiple jobs earlier this year and things just simply didn't work out. I had to quit the one that I couldn't handle. People were thrilled when I first got that job, and then they were extremely disappointed when I couldn't handle what was going on. I have had a lot of people give up on me out of frustration, because they feel like I am not living up to my potential or I am repeating the exact same mistakes. Here's the thing, I put everyone before myself, and I think very differently then what people consider "normal". I struggle to put myself first, and when I do everyone hates me for it, when that is what they have wanted me to do from the beginning. I am not "normal" I am who I am, at times others just need to just be patient and know that I am doing my best in this life, because I do my best to do the same. I am a Daughter of God. It's that simple. Right now, I am not balanced in many parts of my life, that's what I am trying to overcome now. Right now work is dominating my life, and I am struggling with that, however, I would like a little more time for me and my family, and just to spend time in nature to unwind. But for the time being, I don't have that balance and it's wearing on me in every way you can think of, but I am thankful that I am still here and learning what lessons I am in need of learning. Here soon things are going to get better and slow down a bit for me and I will be a bit more balanced.
I am still overcoming the hardships in my life, but I won't stop or back down. I was sent here at this time, because I am strong enough to live it. I am so tired of being seen as the weak, naive, little girl, that I once was. I am a daughter of God, and I will do my best to obey the things He asks of me. He is one person I want to please, because anything less will not do. He sent me here, He will be the one to call me back home when that time comes and He is the one I need to worry about when Judgement day comes. He is a Just God, so whatever crimes I commit against Him the punishment will match the crime, unless I ask for forgiveness, and not repeat the same thing over and over, but I am sure there will be a small punishment here or there. I accept any and all punishment He gives me, because I deserve it, I disobeyed Him and there is a consequence for doing that. That's how we learn, we make mistakes and grow. We learn to Love Unconditionally, we learn what compassion truly is, and we do our best to help others. If we continue to repeat mistakes over and over, the darkness takes over and we succumb to our weaknesses, and forget our strengths. I have been there many times in my life, I hope that as I grow I will learn how to overcome, most if not all, of my weaknesses and turn them into strengths. I am learning how to do that very thing now, and I cannot put into words how thankful and grateful I am for these lessons in my life.
Please feel free to share this or any other posts with your friends. :)
Until next time!
Warrior Daughter
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