Invisible....
Hey Everyone,
I hope all going is well for you. So, you are probably wondering why I entitled this post "Invisible". I will tell you, and part of my life story will be apart of this post.
I lost my dream job this week, due to differences between me and others. I had one vision in mind and the others had something else in mind, so I was outnumbered. Problems arose that I could see and wanted to fix or at least ease them, because let's face it when you are working with kids anything can happen at the drop of a pin. It seems like the others didn't see what I saw, so I was the trouble maker in this instance. The thing is, is that I AM these kids. I saw myself in everyone of them, even if it was just a sliver of myself, but using the knowledge that I have gained throughout my life has greatly helped myself and others along the way. So, is it wrong of me to want to help everyone that I work with? Ease the load of my bosses? See our future be stronger, independent, and allow those who are considered different, the oddball, the problem, or those who are considered damaged to be fully accepted by society at this time? If we don't allow those who already struggle with everyday life, whether it is fighting ourselves internally or a physical limitation. If we don't allow them the same freedoms that we have, are we really a strong society? Are we not all created equal, in the image of our Heavenly Father? We all have a place in this world, if we didn't we wouldn't be here, this earth probably wouldn't even exist.
Growing up, I felt invisible. I have never been able to fully connect to others, even though I have so desperately wanted to. In school, I was on my own a lot of the time. I did have friends, but in elementary school it was one friend at a time. I made enemies all the time I was in school, no matter what grade I was in. All of my life I have heard things like: "Oh, I didn't see you there." Or "I didn't know that you were there, you are so quiet." Even though I have spoken or made myself known, I don't demand that everyone know that I am there. I have also had comments like: "You don't know what you are talking about." or "You don't understand what I am saying." I try my hardest to understand how other people work, but because I think way outside of the box others don't want to attempt to understand me. I live for the future and learn from the past. The past is a reminder of what is good to repeat and what not to repeat. I learn from most of my mistakes, and occasionally I do repeat mistakes, but it doesn't mean that I don't/refuse to learn from them. It just takes me a bit longer then most to process things fully or fully comprehend things. But being told these things, has done more harm then good, I feel like I don't matter, I am never heard or even seen especially when that person means a lot to me. While I was in middle school, I excelled in my studies in the sixth grade, was average in the seventh grade and failed in my eighth grade year. My mom pulled me from school after my eighth grade year, because I was experiencing difficulties in learning what I needed to in order to pass in school. At the age of fourteen I was diagnosed with Panic Attacks and depression (by my regular doctor), as time has gone on that diagnosis has come to include a math and reading disorder. I was evaluated when I was 20 years old, during this evaluation, the therapist mentioned that my brain was wired differently then most. This has apparently driven my mom nuts, because we haven't been able to fix the problems I am dealing with, no matter how much counseling I have received. While I was working at the preschool, there was one little girl in particular, that was labeled early on as "The Troublemaker" or "The Defiant One". This is however is NOT the truth. She, like myself, acts out when she is not being seen or heard. I will admit at first I couldn't connect to this amazing little girl, then as time went on I realized (with help from my Loving mother) that I AM that girl. I am a sensory seeker, I am sensitive and I am not afraid to let you know how I feel, and strongly. During school, I was very cautious to approach anyone when I had a problem, teachers are apart of this equation. I had some amazing teachers that let me know that I was more then welcome to go to them if I ever had any problems, I did however have teachers that I felt I could never approach, they were more business then they seemed to care whether or not I excelled in school or failed. I even had one teacher in my eighth grade year, sign my yearbook as "Good luck with next year." This teacher knew that I was failing, but didn't seem to care how hard I was trying in my studies and only focused on my faults, rather then attempting to see how hard I actually worked and encourage me to do a bit better. There was a time in school that I was missing school more than I should have, this particular teacher noticed my absence, and out loud to the entire class said, "Oh, you're here and not sluffing." This hurt me beyond words, because at that time I was going to the doctor constantly trying to figure out what was going on with me and still didn't know (and I am still trying to fully figure out) what is wrong with me. Nothing is wrong with me or anyone else for that matter, if we can't work together and make this life a better one for the future, then what is the point of this life? We need to learn from each other and learn together if we are to ever survive this world. Children are our future, if we can only label them and cut them down, or baby them so that they can't function in this life, is our future really that bright? I don't think so, I see a much sadder future then where we are now. Babying a child will make bullies, so will cutting them down, because they will feel like the have control when they are bullying, but no control anywhere else in their own lives. Labeling them will make it so that they can't believe in themselves, and the suicide rate will only gain in numbers. That is not the future I want to live in, sad thing is, is that it has already started. Schools are not as safe as they once were, but our homes are just as dangerous. I lived in fear for so long, that I became crippled for a time in my life, I didn't want to leave my home or my mom's side. Then I realized one day that I am capable of change, and that change is growth. Without the hardships we deal with, we don't change and we never grow and learn. I now accept change, I love a good challenge. If however a challenge is too big for me, I ask for help from the one person I can always count on in my time of need, my Father in Heaven. Through the power of prayer, I have survived because my prayers have all been answered, even the tiniest of prayers. Most of my prayers have been answered through my mom, some through other family members, and some through my small circle of friends. But not one prayer has gone unanswered, unless it has to do with the next life, then I need to wait for the answers. ;) A lot of people say that I am strong because of the challenges life has thrown at me, I don't see myself as strong, just a Daughter of God that wants to make her Father in Heaven proud, and fight along His side. I also don't want to disappoint my family here on this earth, but I know that I have fallen and saddened my family with some dumb choices I have made, but I will not stop fighting for all that is good in this world. Even if that means I am a daydreamer, a problem, or defiant, these are labels that will NEVER define me, because they are lies to destroy me. Lies I must fight everyday, to overcome, and that is a fight that I will never stop until, good wins.
That's all I have for now. May your day be blessed with Love, Happiness, Comfort, Strength, Courage, Faith, and the Brightest of Light.
Until next time,
Warrior Daughter
I hope all going is well for you. So, you are probably wondering why I entitled this post "Invisible". I will tell you, and part of my life story will be apart of this post.
I lost my dream job this week, due to differences between me and others. I had one vision in mind and the others had something else in mind, so I was outnumbered. Problems arose that I could see and wanted to fix or at least ease them, because let's face it when you are working with kids anything can happen at the drop of a pin. It seems like the others didn't see what I saw, so I was the trouble maker in this instance. The thing is, is that I AM these kids. I saw myself in everyone of them, even if it was just a sliver of myself, but using the knowledge that I have gained throughout my life has greatly helped myself and others along the way. So, is it wrong of me to want to help everyone that I work with? Ease the load of my bosses? See our future be stronger, independent, and allow those who are considered different, the oddball, the problem, or those who are considered damaged to be fully accepted by society at this time? If we don't allow those who already struggle with everyday life, whether it is fighting ourselves internally or a physical limitation. If we don't allow them the same freedoms that we have, are we really a strong society? Are we not all created equal, in the image of our Heavenly Father? We all have a place in this world, if we didn't we wouldn't be here, this earth probably wouldn't even exist.
Growing up, I felt invisible. I have never been able to fully connect to others, even though I have so desperately wanted to. In school, I was on my own a lot of the time. I did have friends, but in elementary school it was one friend at a time. I made enemies all the time I was in school, no matter what grade I was in. All of my life I have heard things like: "Oh, I didn't see you there." Or "I didn't know that you were there, you are so quiet." Even though I have spoken or made myself known, I don't demand that everyone know that I am there. I have also had comments like: "You don't know what you are talking about." or "You don't understand what I am saying." I try my hardest to understand how other people work, but because I think way outside of the box others don't want to attempt to understand me. I live for the future and learn from the past. The past is a reminder of what is good to repeat and what not to repeat. I learn from most of my mistakes, and occasionally I do repeat mistakes, but it doesn't mean that I don't/refuse to learn from them. It just takes me a bit longer then most to process things fully or fully comprehend things. But being told these things, has done more harm then good, I feel like I don't matter, I am never heard or even seen especially when that person means a lot to me. While I was in middle school, I excelled in my studies in the sixth grade, was average in the seventh grade and failed in my eighth grade year. My mom pulled me from school after my eighth grade year, because I was experiencing difficulties in learning what I needed to in order to pass in school. At the age of fourteen I was diagnosed with Panic Attacks and depression (by my regular doctor), as time has gone on that diagnosis has come to include a math and reading disorder. I was evaluated when I was 20 years old, during this evaluation, the therapist mentioned that my brain was wired differently then most. This has apparently driven my mom nuts, because we haven't been able to fix the problems I am dealing with, no matter how much counseling I have received. While I was working at the preschool, there was one little girl in particular, that was labeled early on as "The Troublemaker" or "The Defiant One". This is however is NOT the truth. She, like myself, acts out when she is not being seen or heard. I will admit at first I couldn't connect to this amazing little girl, then as time went on I realized (with help from my Loving mother) that I AM that girl. I am a sensory seeker, I am sensitive and I am not afraid to let you know how I feel, and strongly. During school, I was very cautious to approach anyone when I had a problem, teachers are apart of this equation. I had some amazing teachers that let me know that I was more then welcome to go to them if I ever had any problems, I did however have teachers that I felt I could never approach, they were more business then they seemed to care whether or not I excelled in school or failed. I even had one teacher in my eighth grade year, sign my yearbook as "Good luck with next year." This teacher knew that I was failing, but didn't seem to care how hard I was trying in my studies and only focused on my faults, rather then attempting to see how hard I actually worked and encourage me to do a bit better. There was a time in school that I was missing school more than I should have, this particular teacher noticed my absence, and out loud to the entire class said, "Oh, you're here and not sluffing." This hurt me beyond words, because at that time I was going to the doctor constantly trying to figure out what was going on with me and still didn't know (and I am still trying to fully figure out) what is wrong with me. Nothing is wrong with me or anyone else for that matter, if we can't work together and make this life a better one for the future, then what is the point of this life? We need to learn from each other and learn together if we are to ever survive this world. Children are our future, if we can only label them and cut them down, or baby them so that they can't function in this life, is our future really that bright? I don't think so, I see a much sadder future then where we are now. Babying a child will make bullies, so will cutting them down, because they will feel like the have control when they are bullying, but no control anywhere else in their own lives. Labeling them will make it so that they can't believe in themselves, and the suicide rate will only gain in numbers. That is not the future I want to live in, sad thing is, is that it has already started. Schools are not as safe as they once were, but our homes are just as dangerous. I lived in fear for so long, that I became crippled for a time in my life, I didn't want to leave my home or my mom's side. Then I realized one day that I am capable of change, and that change is growth. Without the hardships we deal with, we don't change and we never grow and learn. I now accept change, I love a good challenge. If however a challenge is too big for me, I ask for help from the one person I can always count on in my time of need, my Father in Heaven. Through the power of prayer, I have survived because my prayers have all been answered, even the tiniest of prayers. Most of my prayers have been answered through my mom, some through other family members, and some through my small circle of friends. But not one prayer has gone unanswered, unless it has to do with the next life, then I need to wait for the answers. ;) A lot of people say that I am strong because of the challenges life has thrown at me, I don't see myself as strong, just a Daughter of God that wants to make her Father in Heaven proud, and fight along His side. I also don't want to disappoint my family here on this earth, but I know that I have fallen and saddened my family with some dumb choices I have made, but I will not stop fighting for all that is good in this world. Even if that means I am a daydreamer, a problem, or defiant, these are labels that will NEVER define me, because they are lies to destroy me. Lies I must fight everyday, to overcome, and that is a fight that I will never stop until, good wins.
That's all I have for now. May your day be blessed with Love, Happiness, Comfort, Strength, Courage, Faith, and the Brightest of Light.
Until next time,
Warrior Daughter
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