My Life as of Late...

Hey Everyone,

     So, it's been well over a month since I last checked in, oops! It's been a wild and crazy ride for me as of late. My anxiety has been at an all time new high, for me at least. Between, covid-19 scares at work, to being shut down for 3 days this week, to the elections here in the United States, my mind has been overwhelmed to say the very least. Now, this isn't my first ride on this anxiety filled roller-coaster so I know that I will overcome all of this, it is just a matter of calming my mind and taking time out for me. 

    Last month was all over the place for me. I LOVE October, and Halloween is my FAVORITE holiday. Now, I know a lot of people are probably like, "Christmas isn't your FAVORITE holiday?" I like Christmas, but not what it has become, meaning the commercialization that has come with celebrating the true meaning of Christmas, family and our Savior Jesus Christ. I love to give gifts, but I don't want others to feel obligated to give me any. I give gifts when I can, and I put a whole lot of thought into any gift I give. That's the hard part, I have a part-time job and the pay isn't the worst but it isn't the best either, so funding is tight when you pay all of your other bills. Christmas has been a difficult time for me as I have grown. So much has changed in my life that, Christmas has lost it's spark that it once had for me as a child. I try to look at Christmas through others eyes, especially that of a child's eyes. That is when I see the true joy, innocence and pure love that they hold, and we adults seem to lose. Why is that? Why do things have to be so different as an adult? I personally don't think that as we grow we have to lose that part of ourselves, I try to hold onto it as much as I can, that is what makes me, well ME. I still wonder about this marvelous world and how I was lucky enough to be a part of all of it. I was chosen by my Father in Heaven, and Savior Jesus Christ, to come to this earth at this time to make a difference, and prove to them who I truly stand with. I will always be the first to admit that I am in no way perfect, I am only human. I have made many mistakes in my life, but that doesn't mean that I am not worthy to stand once again in the presence of my Father in Heaven. I always have regretted losing my temper, or even letting the occasional swear word pass my lips. I fight everyday to keep Satan out of my life, but he knows that through anxiety he can get to me. I have been fighting my anxiety for many years now, I have won many battles, but I am not doing this on my own. I have love and support from my family and friends here on this earth and those in Heaven. This is truly a great comfort to me, and listening to the words of my church leaders, every April and October, strengthens this within me. I am truly not alone on this journey, I never was or will be, because I choose to be the best version of me that I can be. I love everyone, and constantly pray for others who are in need, whether they stand in need of financial help, or comfort to them and their family during times of hardship and grief. I am taught that we are all brothers and sisters on this earth, and I would do just about anything I could to help those in need, even when I feel like I can't truly help them at least I try. There have been times when someone has needed me for help, and I myself am fighting my own inner battles, but I do my best to listen to that still small voice of the Holy Ghost and I have been able to help them and I am reminded that I too am receiving the blessing and help that I need, when I need and not when I demand it. 

    I am truly rich in blessings, so many that it I can't count them all in one day, and I remember or finally acknowledge a blessing that I have overlooked or taken advantage of, the next time I go to think about the things in which I have. Here are some that I would like to share with all of you. The first blessing that comes to my mind is I am blessed with a knowledge of my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ, and the tools that I need to be closer to them. I am blessed to be a part of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, this gospel in my life has pulled me through so many obstacles in my life. I am thankful for my pioneer ancestors that traveled here to the United States and helped settle my home state. They show me just how easy I have it now. Thing is, is that this country is a sacred land. I look back to my history lessons in school, and the more that I learn the more I realize that the forefathers of this great country fought hard to build this land and keep it free and equal to all. Although during those times, things weren't exactly equal for all men, but we have evolved from that point in time. People have had to fight for freedoms that they wouldn't have anywhere else. I also realized how our forefathers kept God in this land, and that as I have learned from the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ, that is how it was meant to be and should still be. The history of the United States does have it sordid/dark times, but may I be so bold to ask, "What country hasn't had sordid times in their history?" I love it when people are like things happen for a reason, I say, "Yes, yes they do. That was the plan the whole time." I don't believe in coincidences, I believe that a much higher power is in control, and always has been, always will be. It doesn't matter if you believe in God, or karma or another Great Being, things always happen for a reason. 

 Well, that's it for now. Keep strong everyone, we can and will overcome these difficult times, better and stronger together. Let's be nice and uplift one another, regardless of faith, gender, skin color, or background.

 

-Warrior Daughter